Tales of True Stories: The Shower Conspiracy
Well, it's definite. There's a conspiracy out to get me.
I'd always figured (hoped) that if a conspiracy was after me it would be due to my secret ninja training being unleashed, or perhaps some hidden dark agenda out to quiet me before I could save the planet from their evil schemes.
But no.
No, this conspiracy seems to have one goal - to make my shower time less enjoyable. The impertinence!
All I ask for is the chance to use conditioner in peace. Nothing more, nothing less. Yet every single time I go to cleanse myself beneath the purifying water, such a luxury is denied to me. The second I lather that conditioner in - really get, you know, some good suds going - BAM! The water drops from nicely warm to icy cold. Deeply, darkly, perniciously cold.
It doesn't matter when I take my shower. It doesn't matter how long it is - five minutes or fifty, the cold water comes as soon as the conditioning begins. It has been weeks now, and still this pattern continues.
Oh, at first I dismissed it as idle coincidence. But a man cannot ignore the truth forever! Some malevolent force is out to ruin my shower, and I shall not stand for it!
One more chance I'll give, one more time to see if - just once - I can be cleansed in peace.
After that... it means war!
I'd always figured (hoped) that if a conspiracy was after me it would be due to my secret ninja training being unleashed, or perhaps some hidden dark agenda out to quiet me before I could save the planet from their evil schemes.
But no.
No, this conspiracy seems to have one goal - to make my shower time less enjoyable. The impertinence!
All I ask for is the chance to use conditioner in peace. Nothing more, nothing less. Yet every single time I go to cleanse myself beneath the purifying water, such a luxury is denied to me. The second I lather that conditioner in - really get, you know, some good suds going - BAM! The water drops from nicely warm to icy cold. Deeply, darkly, perniciously cold.
It doesn't matter when I take my shower. It doesn't matter how long it is - five minutes or fifty, the cold water comes as soon as the conditioning begins. It has been weeks now, and still this pattern continues.
Oh, at first I dismissed it as idle coincidence. But a man cannot ignore the truth forever! Some malevolent force is out to ruin my shower, and I shall not stand for it!
One more chance I'll give, one more time to see if - just once - I can be cleansed in peace.
After that... it means war!
posted by Myth on Thursday, February 02, 2006
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